You look at me and see that there are good attributes here. I want to know not just that you feel good toward me in the sense that you love me. The same thing has to do with love and like … But, if you demonstrated disrespect, whether you meant to or not, and I’m not trying to make you sound like a bad person here, but that can set up a person being vulnerable, either not wanting to be with you, “I love you but I’m not in love with you”, or being susceptible to developing a relationship with somebody else where they feel respected. You see, if you look at the reasons that people divorce, if you look at the research, by far the most common reasons that people divorce are:Īnd if he or she has felt that you have been disrespectful by trying to control, dominate, argue, whatever, that you have always tried to get your way, there’s a ton of different ways that this could be demonstrated. And it certainly makes the other person convinced, “You don’t get me, you don’t understand me, you don’t know who and what I am.” As a matter of fact, it makes you look desperate. You need to accept what he or she feels, even if you don’t like it.īecause if you come back, “Oh no, you do love me,” and you start trying to explain to him or convince him or her that indeed, love is there, the “in love” kind of love is there, it’s not going to do you any good.
Now, if you’re gonna deal with this, if you really wanna save the marriage and your spouse has told you, “I love you but I’m not in love with you anymore,” if you really wanna fix this, then… They may not wanna tell you that it’s going on in their lives in this particular moment. Now, they may not be ready to admit that right now. Therefore, I love you, but I’m in love with him / I’m in love with her.” And so “I love you, but I’m not in love with you” is basically setting up a situation where it’s like, “But I am in love.” As a matter of fact there’s still part of me that has positive emotions about you. “I’m not blaming you, I’m not angry with you. Or, unfortunately, they may be saying, I do feel this “in love” feeling with somebody else. And they finally reached the point of thinking, “I shouldn’t be in any relationship because all relationships wind up hurting me at some point.” That’s one possibility, not the most likely possibility, but one possibility.Īnother is, “You know, I feel this emotion with you, but I feel like there’s something more I can have and I wanna go looking for it out there.”Īnd so, “I love you, but I’m not in love with you” means that I’ve heard other people describe what they feel, I’ve watched the things on the TV, I’ve seen the things in the movies, and I want to go see if I can find that for me. Typically when that happens, it’s somebody who’s been hurt so many times in life by parents, siblings, friends, maybe even by you, although I’m not trying to blame this on you at all– please don’t hear that. It’s not likely, but it’s definitely possible that he or she just wants to go off and be by themselves. And that could be happening with your spouse. You’ve heard me say they’re relatively rare, and they are.
It typically means: I have an emotion for you, but it’s not what I want.įor some people, and these are relatively rare, these are people who have finally decided, “I don’t want any relationship.
If you want to get where you need to go, you have to accept where you’re starting from.īut what about this: My spouse said, “I love you, but I’m not in love with you.” What does that mean? I’m not trying to instill fear in you, but we talk about reality, and how you can really face life as it is. When your spouse says, “I love you, but I’m not in love with you.” Is it time to panic when you hear that? Actually it may be.